


2 A.M.

by Donthavesexwithsam



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Feels, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 02:05:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8082421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donthavesexwithsam/pseuds/Donthavesexwithsam
Summary: How do you deal when the only person you trust, the one you gave your heart to, betrays you? When their touch, one warm, now freezes your heart?Isabelle Lovelace finds out, the hard way.





	1. Before I knew at 2 A.M.

Romance is a difficult thing on a spaceship.

Your relationship is, always, exclusively professional in the beginning, but because you live in such close proximity all the time, you quickly become friends.

Your relationship stays professional, but turns more friendly, closer. You have fun together, until you reach the line that nobody crosses.

Only you grow lonelier and lonelier, and then someone turns out to be closer to you than the others and you develop… certain feelings.

But even Lovelace could not have predicted this. Even Lovelace could never have imagined she would become closer to him than to anyone else.

They were different from each other, see, very different. He was closed off, calculating and thought everything over and through. She acted from the heart, from her instincts. Did the thing that was maybe not morally right, but would be the best for her people.

When she first met him, along with the rest of the crew, and someone would have told her that she would grow to love one of these people briefly, but deeply, she would have said it was going to be Fourier, the quirky, happy astrophysicist, or maybe Fisher, the large, brotherly beast who was as sweet on the inside as he looked dangerous on the outside.

But Selberg, the doctor, the calculator, who looked so closed off and cold that the first time Lovelace shook his hand she was surprised he did have a regular body temperature, was the one she would never have guessed.

Of course they did warm up to each other, after Lovelace got used to him being so business all the time, and he got used to Lovelace, who needed to joke around to feel sane.

Lovelace would even say they were close friends, and, even though she loved the others, he was the only one she could have a real conversation with, without it being one-hundred percent about work, like Lambert always did, or jumping from one topic to the other, like Fourier very much loved to do.

But love wasn’t something that was on her mind.

Until it did happen, and she realized that her feelings for the doctor were buried so deep that they had stayed hidden, even from herself.

A few nights after they had… said goodbye to Sam, there was a soft knock at Lovelace’s door. Because it was the middle of the night, she jumped up, startled by the fact that she suddenly, wasn’t alone any more.

She had been crying, see. She had allowed herself that. For Sam, for Fisher, for herself and for the fear of what was to come.

She cleared her throat. “Yes?”

“Captain?” it was Selberg.

“Is something wrong?” Lovelace asked, quickly trying to wipe out all proof of her tears. She wasn’t ashamed of it, but she didn’t want to talk about it.

“No,” Selberg said. He was quiet for a moment. “Nothing pressing. But I am wrong. I am…”

Lovelace got up to open the door. He looked up and there was pain and guilt in his eyes. She had never seen him broken up like this, and frankly, it shocked her.

“Selberg?” She said, softly. “Can I… Are you okay?”

“I need to not be alone.”

Lovelace stepped aside, she was so surprised by Selberg’s sudden… humanity that she didn’t question him anymore.

And honestly, she didn’t want to be alone either.

“I can’t do this anymore, doctor,” Lovelace shook her head. “I can’t lose another member of my crew.”

“You won’t.” Selberg said.

“Who’s to say I won’t?” Lovelace growled. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again, and bile pressing against the back of her throat. “Do you have any idea how terrible I feel about this? About what happened? It’s all my fault, but I can’t do anything to stop it! These people trusted me, they trusted that I would be there to keep them safe, but I failed them. I failed Fisher, I failed Hui, I failed Lambert, and I’m probably going to fail you.”

Softly, Selberg wrapped his arms around her. “Calm, Captain. You need to approach this with rational side of your brain. Be the better of emotions, strengthen up.”

Lovelace took a deep breath and turned her head in his arms. He was stronger than you’d expect for a man his age, he was buffer than he looked.

Their eyes locked, and she kissed him.

Lovelace had always been more emotional than rational, and her emotions told her that this was the best thing to do right now.

He pulled her closer, desperate for more contact.

“I need you,” Lovelace mumbled between their lips. “Hold me.”

He kissed her deeper, more passionately than anyone had ever kissed her. Or maybe she hadn’t kissed for so long, that she had forgotten what it felt like. His hands moved all over her body, and caressed her in all the right places.

Lovelace moaned softly, and he answered her moan with another deep kiss.

“Isabelle,” he whispered. She had missed that, someone whispering her name in a fervent prayer.

About half an hour later, they had fallen silent, and were now floating in the middle of the room, holding each other close.

Lovelace’s head was on the doctor’s chest, and she could smell his hot, post coital musk. She liked the smell of sex in the air. She had forgotten what that tasted like on the tip of her tongue.

“Please promise me you won’t go,” Lovelace asked, after another five minutes of silence. “You’re not allowed to be next.”

“I can’t promise a thing that is out of my hands.” Selberg shook his head. “But as medical specialist, I will keep close eye on everyone. The four of us is all we have left. All I know is that we have to team up to get out of here.”

“What do you propose?” Lovelace huffed. “Cannibalize the station’s infrastructure and build our own VX3 engine to blast our asses back home?”

They made eye contact, and Selberg shrugged.

Lovelace stared into the distance for a moment. “We could…”

She pulled herself from his embrace. “Genius!” she kissed him again. “I’m going to get Fourier. She could be able to make this work.

Selberg stared blankly at her as she hurled into her clothes and stormed out. This was Isabelle Lovelace, beautiful, impulsive, naïve.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for what’s going to happen.”

He wished he didn’t have to, but work rose above all priorities. He could allow himself one compromise though.

Slowly, Selberg moved to the comms room.

“Rhea, send pulse beacon relay hail to Canaveral.”

Rhea beeped a confirmation. It took about five minutes for Cutter to receive the hail and open lines.

“ _Hello, hello!_ ” Cutter always sounded like he was smiling. “ _Elias! How are you._ ”

“Isabelle Lovelace is unfit subject for Decima. I’m calling to ask for termination of her trails.” Selberg grumbled.

“ _And why is that?_ ” Cutter tutted. “ _She is the most logical next choice,_ ”

“No. Sir.” Selberg shook his head, even though he knew Cutter couldn’t see him. “Fourier is. She’s more expendable than Lovelace.”

“ _Well,_ ” Cutter said. “ _You’re the specialist. It’s your call. I’m not exactly happy with it, but you know what you’re doing. Anything else?_ ”

“ _Da_ ,” Selberg replied. “Lovelace is going to cannibalize the station to build an escape pod and fly back to Earth. Thought you’d want to know that, Sir.”

“ _Make sure she fails._ ” Cutter said, darkly.

Selberg’s heart grew cold. “I… yes Sir.

Cutter cut off the line, leaving Selberg alone.

He shook his head, not knowing if he could anymore. Yesterday, or the day before, it would have troubled him, yes, but he could have done it.

But now. Now that they had shared a bed and found each other… he couldn’t.


	2. And now I'm back at 2 A.M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me a long time but it took me a lot of effort to write this chapter (although most dialogue is straight from episode 23). Enjoy!

When Lovelace opened her eyes in the cryogenic stasis pod, she was excited.

Her heart leapt. She had survived. She was back on earth. She was home.

Quickly, she made her way to the shuttle’s small bridge to prepare for landing, but what she saw when she looked out the window, made her want to crawl in to a corner and cry.

She would recognize that star anywhere. And even the Hephaestus was still there.

Her heart skipped a beat when the comms console started beeping violently. There was still someone on the Hephaestus.

There was still someone on the Hephaestus.

How long had she been away?

With shaking hands, she pressed the space button, accepting the hail.

“ _Attention; unknown spacecraft,_ ” A female voice called over the line. “ _This is the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station. Please identify yourself._ ”

Lovelace’s breath halted in her throat.

No.

She was really back.

“What?” She managed to utter. “Who am I speaking to?”

“ _You are talking to the Commanding Officer of the U.S.S. Hephaestus._ ” The female voice said. “ _Now, I say again: please identify yourself._ ”

They had put someone new in there. They had abandoned more lost souls and set them on her old Hell.

“No…” She said, shaking her head.

This couldn’t be real.

“No, this is the commander of the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station. This is Captain Isabel Lovelace, U.S. Air Force, Commanding Officer of the U.S.S. Hephaestus. So who the hell are you?”

There was a beat of silence on the other line.

“ _I think it’s best if we explain this face to face, Captain._ ” The female voice said. “ _Do you think you can dock?_ ”

Lovelace nodded, only realizing that they couldn’t see her after a few seconds. “Yes.”

“ _I’m closing communications._ ” The female voice announced. “ _Our AI will help you through the process._ ”

“Okay,” Lovelace said, still dumbfounded.

The comms line broke up and Lovelace scrambled for her weapon, checking the clip.

“Shit,” She breathed when she saw it was empty. “ _Shit_ ,”

Deep breaths, Isabelle, she said to herself. What will they do with a gun?

Disarm you. Keep it. You can make sure they are loyal to themselves, not to Cutter or anyone else back at command. This is the perfect opportunity. Plant a bug. See if you can trust them. Act cool.

Keep it together.

There’s no one else to get it done.

You trusted Selberg. That went wrong. Trust nobody.

She rigged the gun. Docked.

The airlock hissed a familiar sound. It brought her back.

Keep it together.

“Whoa,” The female voice immediately called out when Lovelace stepped into the hangar bay. “Whoa. Stop right there.”

“Back away!” Lovelace tried to sound calm. “Back away right now!”

“Uh-uh.” The woman shook her head, gun raised. The man next to her also had his gun raised, but he seemed rather unsure. “Not until you lower that gun. Drop it _now_.”

There was a familiar air of authority in her voice. She was obviously the boss.

“Back away and let me through.” Lovelace said, as authoratively as she could

“Not how it works.” The Commander shook her head. “Nobody comes into _my_ station pointing a gun at _my_ crew. So hand it over or turn the hell around.”

No way. She wasn’t going to give it up as easy as that.

“I'm not just surrendering to any…” She started, but the man interrupted her.

“Hey, hey, easy...” He raised his hands. He looked very much uncomfortable with the showdown. “Let's all count to ten before anybody starts asking if anybody else is feeling lucky, okay?”

Lovelace had to swallow a chuckle. “Who the hell are you?” She growled

“Doug Eiffel,” He said, panicky. “Comms Officer, big fan. Let’s talk!”

Lovelace made eye contact with the Commander, breathing heavily through her nose.

“Sirs,” He said. “Please. We're all friendlies here, so let's just…”

“What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided?” Now it was Lovelace’s turn to interrupt the man. Eiffel.

“Eeh, Gesundheit?”

“Blue ship.” She breathed. “Red ship. Collided. What happened?”

“I'm really not sure what…” Eiffel started, but luckily, the Commander knew what Lovelace meant.

“Both crews were marooned.” She said, calmly, sounding relieved herself too. “He's not Command-level, he never got the authentication codes. Confirmation: Victor-Uniform-Lima…”

“Charlie-Alpha-November.” They finished simultaneously.

“It really is the Hephaestus?” It started to sink in. The weight of it all. What she had sacrificed.

“It is.” The woman nodded. “I'm Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski. Your…” She swallowed. “Successor.”

“H-how?” Lovelace breathed. Panic brewed back up. She couldn’t do this. Not again. Not again.

“That's a really interesting story,” Eiffel nodded. “Which we can totally get into, right after a tiny bit of disarmament.

“Take it.” She threw the empty gun his way. “How?”

He said something, but she didn’t hear him, not over the ringing in her ears, the panic in her head.

“ _How_?! How did you bring me back here?” She yelled. “ _Why_ did you bring me back here?!”

“Come with us,” Minkowski said softly. “We’ll explain everything we know.”

They let her listen to her old logs, the warning wired into the aux system. But that wasn’t even the worst part. That was what she already knew. She in her place told them about Selberg. How she knocked him out in engineering and left him to die.

Her heart turned into stone when Minkowski softly said. “There’s something you should see.”

Minkowski explained on the way. Lovelace couldn’t say she was surprised.

“Would you mind waiting here for a bit?” She asked. “I want to ask him one last time.”

Lovelace nodded silently, watching Minkowski open the door.

“Ahhh, Minkowski.” Her breathing stopped. It was really him. “How may I be of assistance today? Are you still trying to eliminate Specimen 34?”

“I'm here to give you one last chance.” Minkowski’s soft side had disappeared completely.

“Oh? At what?” Selberg sounded amused at best.

“What happened to Captain Lovelace?” She asked, pointedly. “How did the first Hephaestus Mission end?”

Selberg groaned, annoyed. “We have been over this. Many times.”

“And we're gonna go over it one more time. What happened to…”

“Is this some obscure interrogation technique?” He sounded bored. She hated him. Deeply. “Her ship malfunctioned and she fell into the star.”

He said it as if he was speaking to a child.

“Final answer?” Minkowski said.

“Yes!” Selberg sounded exasperated. “For last time: Captain Lovelace is…”

She stepped inside. Sick of his bullshit, she growled. “I'm sorry, Dr. Selberg. What were you just lying?”

She wasn’t going to lie. The pain and shock in his eyes did her good.

“No.” He sounded exasperated. For the first time in all those years, Minkowski heard doubt, worry, and genuine fear in his voice. “You. No, no, not you. You can't be here. You can't be here!”

Lovelace grinned, a wolf tip-toeing around her prey: “I beg to differ.”

“No, this is...” Selberg started, but he seemed to change his mind, turning to Minkowski. “You did this! You and Eiffel. This is some... Some kind of a trick! Some sort of - GAH!”

Halfway through his monologue, Lovelace decided she was done with him. In a swift movement, she grasped him around his throat.

“How about now?” She said, coldly. “You still think this is a trick? Is this hand on your throat just a trick?”

“Please...” Selberg choked. “Can't... Breathe...”

“Then stop wasting your breath,” Lovelace growled.

“Please... Commander...” He begged. “She's... Killing me...”

“You're only good to me as a source of information,” Minkowski said, coldly. “And if you're just going to lie...”

“No... No, not lied...” Selberg gasped. “Never said... They... They said she...

“’They.’” Lovelace cocked her head, hand still around Selberg’s throat. “Oh, that's interesting.

“Please...” He begged again, but before he could continue, Lovelace slammed his head against the wall.

“Don't interrupt.” She said. “We're about to dazzle you with our tiny little soldiers' brains.

“Whoa, easy,” Minkowski said to Lovelace, unsecure. “we don't…”

But Lovelace wasn’t listening anymore, she kept speaking, bleeding out. “We have this theory: you never even saw what happened to my ship. You got knocked unconscious in engineering, and when you woke up I was gone. Then you called Command, and they were the ones that pieced it all together. They were the ones that told you my ship had crashed. And you never questioned it, because the thought never even occurred to your big, genius brain that Command might not be telling you the truth. That they might be playing you, the way they play all of us.”

Selberg frowned. “No...” he gasped furiously. “They would... Never-”

He was cut off, gagging, as Lovelace tightened her grip around his throat.

“Okay, that's enough!” Minkowski yelled, but it didn’t get through to her, until Minkowski stepped forward, threating.

“Lovelace! Drop him!”

Hilbert gasped air for his dear life, as Lovelace turned to the door with a sneer on her face.

“Well, when you come up with a better theory, you let us know. In the meantime... Just something for you to think about. Think about it long and hard.”

She slammed the door shut behind her, trying to avoid Minkowski’s judging gaze.

“I need a moment,” She murmured, tracking down the hallway as fast as she could.

There was a spot in engineering where she had liked to go on the last mission. Between the water tanks and the processor. When she needed time for herself, she would sneak down tea and a blanket and wrap herself up so she could think things over, knowing for sure she was never going to be found.

She found she was keeping herself together quite all right, until she saw the spot. It brought her back to Lambert and Hui, even to Selberg.

The old Selberg. Not this rat that was locked up in the observation deck.

She sunk into the water tank, the metal warm to her touch, and started crying softly. She wasn’t gagging and sobbing, tears were just streaming down her face because she had no choice in the matter, because her body forced her to relieve her emotions through that path.

She woke up, hours later, confused at first. But then she realized that she was back. She didn’t want to be back. But she had no choice.

She had to talk to him. She had to shut that door. And she had to do it now, now before she lost the courage to do it.

She went back up to the observatory deck, picking the locks with a screwdriver. She wasn’t that skilled at lock picking, but the locks weren’t that hard to open.

Selberg was surprised to hear the door at this hour, and he scrambled upright when he saw Lovelace enter.

“No,” he muttered, helplessly. “Please.”

“I’m not here to choke you to death, Selberg,” Lovelace breathed softly. “Although I very much wish I could, that actions would have consequences I wouldn’t be able to oversee. And unlike you, I do value the lives of others.”

“I do too,” Hilbert growled. “I just…”

“Stop lying.” Her voice softened, away from her anger into her sadness. “Please stop lying to me. All I want to know is why? Just… why?”

“I had no other choice.” Selberg said like he believed it.

“Don’t throw that ‘no choice’, bullshit in my face, Selberg,” Lovelace growled. “You always have a choice. You chose science over your co-workers. Over the people who thought were your friends.”

“I didn’t go onto this mission to make friends,” Selberg said. “I was there, and am here, to improve human life, to drastically improve our knowledge on radiation and medicine.”

“What you did is unethical!” Lovelace said. “Unreal how you get to straighten that out for yourself. Nonconsensual experimenting on people who knew _nothing_! They _died_ , Selberg.”

“I know,” Selberg shook his head. “And I am very sorry. But it will not happen again. There are always errors made in a trail like this…”

“Did you put it here too?” Lovelace crossed her arms. “Is one of them infected too?”

Hilbert averted his gaze. “Eiffel.” He admitted. “But he knows.”

“I’m sure you didn’t tell him. I’m sure he had to find it out a different way.”

“He… I did have to tell him.” Selberg said. “I had no other choice.”

“That’s a cowards way out.” Lovelace said. “You’re a coward.”

She turned to the door, not sure if she got out of this conversation what she wanted, but sick of this man.

“I did love you.” He said, when she touched the door handle. “I still do.”

Lovelace froze. “Please don’t make this any more painful than it already is, Selberg.”

“It is the truth.” Selberg growled. “And I am saying it now to show you I am _not_ a coward.”

“You don’t get to say that,” Lovelace turned around sharply. “You don’t get that anymore. Do you have any idea how much pain you caused me, even before I knew it was you who caused it?”

“I’m…” He started, but Lovelace interrupted him.

“Don’t you dare.” She hissed, tears streaming down her face involuntarily again. “Because that would be a lie, and you don’t get to lie to me anymore.”

He reached out, his fingertips brushing her arm; “Isabelle…”

It brought her back, to him whispering her name while she lay in his arms, and it made her feel sick. His touch, once soft and warm, now made her want to gag and throw up, it gave her goosebumps, but in the wrong way.

And scariest of all, it froze her to the bone.

She grabbed his wrist, twisting it in a painful position.

“Don’t you dare think you have the right anymore,” She half-yelled at him, “I trusted you, I _loved_ you, and you misused that privilege so terribly that it makes me want to jettison you out an airlock personally. So if you ever as much as point in my direction, I will make that threat a promise.”

“But…” he muttered.

“Please, Selberg,” She gasped. “For once in your life, keep your mouth shut.”

She let go of his hand, and he started rubbing his wrist with a pained look on his face. She looked at him for one more second, before making her way out, securing the locks back on the door again.

She heard him swear inside, and a sob left her body. She wished she had never woken up again.

If only she had really fallen into the star.


End file.
